Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
