ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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