i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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