i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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