the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
