Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
