Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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