im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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