i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
