I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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