i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
