It's Friday. Sex?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
