You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
