Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
