My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
