what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
