you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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