why didn't you poke me back
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
