Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
