one word: firstdatebathroomanal
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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