it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
