She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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