You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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