i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
