I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
