WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
