She's JV to your varsity
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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