can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
