Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
