I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
