So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
