Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
