Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
