Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
