we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
