I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
