sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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