You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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