Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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