Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
