took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
