Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
