were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
