Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
