You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
