soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
