At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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