yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
