their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
