Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
